Monday

Depression - My Story

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Disclamer: The information contained in this article dealing with depression is not intended 
as a substitute for religious or medical advice. You should consult a member of the clergy or 
a professional health care practitioner for that kind of information. On the other hand, if you 
choose to act upon the information provided in this article (which is your constitutional 
right to do so), the author is not responsible for the consequences of your actions. .

Depression, from my point of view, is cured when we become aware that it is a spiritual issue and not an inherit physical flaw or defect. This is my story about how I cured myself of chronic depression when the medical profession failed me. I am not advocating that what worked for me in regards to curing depression will work for anyone else. On the other hand, after reading my story, many people have told me that my way of overcoming depression is an option worth considering.


In a desperate attempt to cure myself, I read everything I could on the subject of depression. I took the psychological approach as well as the religious approach. I experienced some relief using these methods, but eventually the feelings returned. The stronger the depression, the more aggressive my search. Self-help courses and recovery groups brought minimal relief but never a cure. Each improvement was eventually followed by a setback.


I began to believe that I was inherently flawed. It was even suggested that I was possessed by an evil entity, a thought I rejected. And yet, when the feelings were at there strongest, I doubted myself and believed I might actually be possessed by an evil entity and became even more frightened. I didn't know it at the time but I was scaring myself to death.


One day, I realized just how terrified I was. I felt like a house divided against itself. Desperate feelings require desperate measures: Voluntarily I went in for psychiatric evaluation. I began weekly therapy and was prescribed a drug which altered my mood almost immediately.


I gained many insights during therapy, but eventually the prescription drugs caused me to experience the side effects of hyperactivity, chills and headaches. I felt as if the cure was worse than the disease itself and so I took myself off the drugs without consulting my doctor. I did, however, continue therapy until I decided that I no longer needed it.


I thought therapy had solved my problem with depression until I had an extremely devastating setback and experienced the worst depression of my life. Suicidal thoughts began to intrude into my mind, and yet no matter what, I would not surrender. I lived with my depression for years, I tolerated it and put up with it. If depression was going to kill me, to squeeze the life out of me, it would do so without my help.


I struggled through my life, day after day, hiding my depression from everyone, but when I got home and I was alone I would realize I was exhausted. I just wanted to lie on the couch and do nothing. I felt hopeless. After many years of living this way and contrary to professional advice, I isolated myself, knowing when I was alone with my depression, I felt it the strongest.


If it was going to defeat me I wanted to feel it absolutely. I was tired of running from the monster within. One day I realized that I was at a standoff with my depression. It wasn't getting any worse and it wasn't getting any better. I realized that it wasn't going to kill me, and it wasn't going to let me enjoy life either. Then I decided to start analyzing what was going on with me. I knew I couldn't feel any worse, so I might as well treat my condition as a mystery that needed solving rather than a problem to fear.


First, I went back to the basics. I looked up the word depression in Webster's dictionary; it is defined as a disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentrating, excessive sleep, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies. Yes, I agreed, the dictionary was intellectually correct. I experienced all of those things, but when I explored my feelings, I made some amazing discoveries.


One of my discoveries was that my depression was actually made up of a variety of strong unexpressed feelings interwoven together. These feeling included unexpressed anger This entanglement of unexpressed emotions left me feeling like a net had been dropped over my spirit and pulled tight. The more I struggled, the more entangled in them I became.


Instead of judging my feelings of depression I decided to observe them. I noticed that I was afraid of my feelings. I also observed that throughout my life whatever I feared eventually became my enemy. How did I make my depressed feelings my enemy? I did it by accepting someone else's belief that my depressed feelings were dangerous. By accepting this belief unedited, I erroneously concluded that my feelings could lead me to killing myself. In making my feelings the enemy I gave them power over me; the moment I did that, they dominated and controlled my life for over 30 years.


To make my feelings the enemy, I also had to convince myself that something outside of me was responsible for what I felt. I accomplished this by blaming others for my feelings. I blamed God, my parents, my teachers, my circumstances, my genes, my past, and my environment for my negative emotions. Once I realized that I was doing it to myself, I simultaneously, experienced a sense of sadness and relief. I felt sadness because I realized that I had been causing myself to suffer. I felt relief because if I could cause my depression, I could cure it, and that excited me.

My inner guide uses depressed feelings to let me know when I'm off track in my thinking, trying too hard, headed in the wrong direction, or not taking proper care of myself. I no longer struggle with "depressed feelings".. When they comes upon me, I embrace them, In embracing them, I can hear the message of guidance and advice that is being directed to me. When I hear the message accurately, the depressed feelings leave me, and I am filled with an exuberance and a renewed passion for life.


If you are willing to let your feelings of depression become your friends--if you are willing to learn from them, embrace them--you too will once again be excited about living life generously and passionately.

The Shortcut to Curing Yourself of Depression

Today, when an occasional feeling of depression washes over I use a shortcut I discovered to make the depressed feeling melt away from my life effortlessly. Here it is:


The shortcut in successfully dealing with depressed feelings is a simple one but it does take practice. The shortcut is this; allow your depressed feelings to harmlessly pass you by like clouds in the sky and they will. You do this by choosing to  intensely 'feel what you are feeling' without judging what you feel in any way. Resisting depression makes the depression worse while intensely 'feeling what you feel' (if you stay with it) will make the depression go poof.


In life we are either expressing ourselves or depressing ourselves. These days, when an occasional feeling of depression washes over me, I ask myself which thoughts and/or feeling am I depressing. One I discovered the thought or feelings that are depressing me, I express them, release them, let them go. Once I release those thoughts that were depressing me, I am set them free so I can return to my natural state of mind which is happiness, harmony and peace of mind.
- Frederick Zappone - 21 Day Self-Love Journey

9 comments:

  1. Interesting...I'll give it a try, and I hope that it will work.

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  2. Hello Anonymous.

    Thank you for posting your comment.

    It does take practice to allow negative thoughts and feelings to pass you by. It is a practice that must be continued until it becomes a habit of thought replacing your former habit of thought of resisting and pushing down negative thoughts and feelings. Keep me posted on your progress.

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  3. i sit here with tears forming in my eyes hoping for a revelation. these feelings come and go and yes your thought process makes sense. i just wish i could not be overpowered by these thoughts and feelings. im 28 now with 3 beautiful children and a beautiful dedicated wife. i have been dealing with depression and anxiety since i was 13. it ebbs and flows, but right now its flowing and i wish my life had more support in it. all my friends are too busy to reach out too, my therapist is good but im not getting much out of it. the overwhelming urge to talk and indulge the feelings comes over me and i want to talk about them. to get some encouragement.

    why me? why can't i be less in tune with how im feeling? im a man, im supposed to be strong and fearless.

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  4. The tears you shed in your comments and the thoughts you shared including the part of being a man who is supposes to be strong and fearless, I have also experienced.

    You can't see it right now but your depression will transform itself into your greatest strength.

    I highly suggest when you are ready that you subscribe to my Feeling Good, No Matter What, Newsletter. http://frederickzappone.com

    In the meantime share as much or as little as you would like about your depression and I will listen non-judgmentally..

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  5. Frederick- I will give this my best effort to practice what you have suggested... Not sure what to expect or really what "happened" for you... but it sounds as if you received a "message" when you tuned in to the thoughts/feelings that were oppressing you-? I know that I too am "fighting" my feelings of shame and worthlessness. How can these feelings help me? I know you have contributed your thoughts here and may not have more to add, but thank you for obviously caring about others in emotional pain. Peace and best wishes, Kathleen.

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  6. Kathleen, the problem with fighting any negative feelings is that the more we fight them, the stronger they get and the more power they have over us.

    There might have been a moment in your life when you did feel shame and worthless, there could have been many moments but just because you felt that way does not mean you are a shameful or worthless person today. It is only a feeling, from your past, that will change when you change your thoughts in the here and now.


    I would highly suggest subscribing to my Feeling Good, No Matter What, newsletter. In the long run my newsletter can make the biggest difference in your life. You can find out more about it by visiting frederickzappone.com

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  7. P.S. Kathleen, emotional pain is always a result of resisting what was or what is. Freedom from emotional pain is the acceptance of what was or what is....

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  8. P. P.S. Kathleen, when we allow ourselves to feel negative feeling intensity, as uncomfortable as that might be, without judging them in any way, we burn them off. We literally burn them out of existence. Sometimes that requires us to scream or cry our eyes out to facilitate the 'burning off' process

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  9. Your story is very inspiring! I overcame anxiety, infertility, and hypothyroid issues with Yoga and a holistic diet.

    I have started an organization called Pharm to Farm, which aims to expose the pharmaceutical companies by sharing stories of people who have healed without prescription medication, chemo, etc. I would love to speak with you more about being involved in our project if you're interested.

    Please get back to me at your soonest convenience so we can chat more.

    Namaste, Amanda
    pixieyogi@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete