.
Greg's extraordinary and powerful personal story
concerns the ability of forgiveness and emotional release to reverse the
course of terminal lung cancer. His story of healing was the most
compelling I’ve ever heard and it changed my understanding of how people
heal. Greg considers his release of anger and extremely difficult but
sincere act of forgiveness toward a former business associate to be the
pivotal turning point in his illness. Greg had only a couple weeks to
live when this occurred and he has now made a full recovery from his
“incurable” late-stage cancer. Following his dramatic encounter and act
of forgiveness with his former associate and nemesis, he spent several
hours alone crying in his car, overcome with emotional relief and
incapable of driving. Again and again he repeated the phrase, “I’m
free. I’m free. I’m free.” And so he was. From that day forward,
Greg’s physical condition began to improve. His heart, mind and spirit
had already been healed.
It Really Can Happen in a Moment!
Back in 1984, Greg had only a few weeks to live when
he made the decision to finally heal his relationships with everyone in
his life, including his former “enemy.” He then made a full recovery
from his “incurable” late-stage metastatic lung cancer. Within a year,
he made the decision to help others heal their cancer based on what he
had learned through his own difficult journey. In 1985, he founded the
nonprofit Cancer Recovery Foundation of America.
Greg's Story: (in his own words)
"The Law of Forgiveness is a tough taskmaster. It
forces us to examine our motives. It requires us to look deep within.
The work of forgiveness demands that we give up the need to always be
right. That is a big request.
The Law of Forgiveness can be misunderstood. It is
not asking us to betray our deepest beliefs or disregard our principles.
We need not compromise our personal integrity by failing to stand up
for what we hold to be true. The law does not imply that we are to live
our lives trying to please everyone at the risk of being untrue to
ourselves. However, the law does ask us to become keenly aware of how
often we engage in verbal and emotional combat that has less to do with
higher principles and personal integrity than it does with our
perceptions of being right.
The Law of Forgiveness demands that I come to a very
important realization: in these matters, it is not my spirit that
demands to be right, it is my frail ego.
Realize that this law and its demands are as true of
marriages as of business transactions. Forgiveness is for the workplace
and for parenting, for young and old, for black and white. Forgiveness
applies to everything, to everyone, all the time. This is what is meant
by life being lived most abundantly as an adventure in forgiveness.
Nothing contaminates the life of wellness more than
resentment, remorse, and recrimination. These states of heart and mind
do more to stand in the way of our wellness than virtually any other
dynamic.
If the daily practice of the Law of Forgiveness is
the only way out, what does this law look like in action? I know from
vivid personal experience. I can trace the absolute turning point in my
own illness directly to the work of forgiveness. Weak, emaciated, lying
at home in constant pain, I was going downhill rapidly by all physical
measurements. Doctors, family, even my own mind - all believed I was
about to die of cancer.
Yet something kept driving me. I would place phone
calls to organizations all over the country, seeking others who had gone
through a similar situation and lived. I wanted to learn from their
experience. I kept hearing people talk about forgiveness. "You need to
forgive," said a woman in Boise, Idaho. A man from Tennessee put it
plainly: "The difference is forgiveness." My first reaction was "I
probably don't have many issues of forgiveness to deal with.
Forgiveness isn't my problem.”
I was wrong. Forgiveness was my issue. My critical
attitude was first. Why did I look at a situation and always pick out
what was wrong? I'd do it constantly. People were my favorite target. I
would make a quick study of someone and actively seek out his Achilles'
heel. "What's wrong with him?" I'd think. It was all an effort to put
someone else down in order to build myself up. Distorted thinking,
bereft of charity and compassion.
The worst example was my behavior at work. When a new
controller was brought in, and I suddenly had to seek approval for all
our division's expense budgets through this new 'intruder, I saw the
whole setup as a huge threat to my position. So, without really making a
conscious decision, I began to attack. I became critical of the
controller's plans. I tried to undermine his work. I threw stones at his
policies. I became critical of him personally.
My criticism led to condemnation. I set myself up as
judge and jury. If I was superior, then I was right. In fact, I always
had to be right. Therefore, the new controller was, by definition,
wrong. I condemned him and then went about proving it to others. As I
look back, I see that it was only three months between the time the new
controller came on board and the onset of my cancer diagnosis. I believe
there was a link between my toxic behavior and the onset of my illness.
What I didn't count on was a counter attack. The new
controller fought back, pointing out my failures to institute more
effective financial controls. He was equally skilled at finding a
person's weak point. And the battle between the two of us became a
company-wide problem that began to drag everyone down.
I am saddened and mortified about how it came to a
head. We were in a meeting with three other division heads and the CEO.
My adversary the controller passed around a budget update. Trying to be
flippant, I took my copy of the document, threw it across the table, and
proclaimed, "These numbers are a crock of -----." The report hit the
CEO's coffee cup, the contents of which spilled into his lap.He jumped
up, glared at me, pointed a finger and said, "Get the hell out of here."
I went back to my office, then headed to my car. I began to see how
absolutely ludicrous my behavior had been.
That kind of behavior consumes vast amounts of
emotional energy. It produces a negative and contrary spirit that is
toxic to us and to others. I had my entire sense of worth invested in
always being right. I suppose it was an issue of perception. I was so
concerned with what other people thought of me that I never considered I
might be wrong. I needed everyone to know that I was right and to
acknowledge it.
But the story takes an even more bizarre twist.
Within thirty days of my diagnosis of lung cancer, my adversary the
controller was diagnosed with cancer. Now, I have had medical
authorities tell me that he probably had been carrying the cancer for
years and it had just then been discovered, as had mine. But my
intuition tells me that our toxic battle contributed to the onset of
both illnesses.
I underwent surgery that removed a lung. But surgery
was impossible for my nemesis the controller. The disease had already
spread. As the weeks passed, both of us grew progressively worse.
Four months later, a second surgery confirmed that
the cancer had spread from my lung through the lymph system. The
following day the surgeon made a statement that is indelibly etched in
my mind. "Greg," he said, "the tiger is out of the cage. Your cancer has
come roaring back. I'd give you about thirty days to live."
It was that moment that I began my journey in search
of wellness. Lying in bed, at home, I continued to deteriorate
physically. But I made those phone calls in search of survivors and I
kept hearing 'forgive.'
One morning I awoke and I realized that I did have a
monumental task of forgiveness ahead of me. I felt a deep conviction
that this was the thing for me to do. From my sickbed I began the
solitary work of forgiveness. I believe that this was the precise
turning point in my illness.
The Law of Forgiveness carries with it the idea of
process. That is, there are actions and conscious decisions that are
integral to the forgiveness phenomenon. Any number of legitimate ways to
proceed exist, but they each share this idea of helping us release
resentment, express negative feelings, and let go of past wrongs, both
real and imagined. Once the idea of process has been grasped, it only
needs to be applied with consistency and sincerity to bring immediate
results.
The essence of the various processes is quite simple:
become aware of the person toward whom we feel hostility, express
active release from that hostility, and picture good things happening to
him or her.
In the privacy of my bedroom, I made a sign on a sheet of paper. It reads:
NAME
RELEASE
AFFIRM
NAME
RELEASE
AFFIRM
With that sign propped at my bedside, I started a
list of the people in my life. I put my wife first. I closed my eyes,
relaxed, and created a clear picture of her in my mind. Then, from my
heart, I imagined myself saying to her, "I forgive you. I totally and
completely forgive you for every perceived wrong you have done - and for
anything you have left undone." And I would pause, allowing ample time
to remember and release specific instances. I wouldn't dwell on the
specifics. I would just recall them and release them, recognizing that
it was I, not my wife, who was really being let off the hook.
I would end the work with each person by picturing
something good happening to him or her. I knew that my wife wanted and
needed to receive continual reassurance of my love for her. I pictured
her receiving that. I knew that another person with whom I'd had a
falling-out wanted a new sports car. I imagined him happily driving down
the freeway in his red Porsche. The point is, part of the process I
used was to actively see something good happening to the person I was
forgiving.
This was not always a smooth experience. It became
fascinating for me to watch my own resistance. It was relatively easy to
express forgiveness and mean it. To actively release the hurt was more
challenging, but repeating the release three or four times typically
helped me make the emotional and spiritual shift that was required. Many
times I would say, "God, you take this. I cannot handle it anymore."
The third element of the process was the real test
for me. It was difficult to envision good things happening to many of
the people I wanted and needed to forgive. But I was sincerely committed
to the process. I did not have an expectation of ease. I would see this
through.
I discovered I was intensely angry with my father. He
never was able to express his love. In fact, his approach to child
raising was to emotionally put down and never, not once, build up. I
found it very difficult to totally release my perceptions of being
wronged. And I found it next to impossible to imagine, with sincerity,
something good happening to him. I spent nearly two days just on the
work of forgiving my father. Tough stuff.
The work on forgiving my father taught me an
important lesson. His actions resulted from huge hurts of his own. They
had nothing to do with me. The inability to express love was a direct
reflection of his own upbringing. I shifted my perspective from blaming
him for all that was missing to understanding how I may also have
contributed to the situation. I was rebellious. I did not obey. I was
sarcastic. Perhaps the only way to reach me was through put-downs.
Down the list I went. Name people; forgive and
release them; affirm them. Many times I went back to names, especially
those where the memories created feelings of unease. And I offered my
forgiveness with deep sincerity. This insight extended to other
relationships. As I would forgive and release, I still might not approve
of the way a person handled a particular situation. But after
completing the process of forgiveness, I could generally understand the
situation better and begin to see my own part in it.
Sometimes forgiveness requires work above and beyond
the call of duty. This was the case with the controller. I had spent
hours forgiving and releasing and trying to imagine great things
happening to him. About noon of the fourth straight day of forgiveness, I
came out of the bedroom for lunch. It was then I realized that my work
with him needed to take on a more personal touch. I needed to visit him
and express my apologies.
This was not easy. I made a call to the office and
found that he was at home, and not doing well. I phoned and his wife
answered. Her voice immediately telegraphed surprise and shock to be
talking to me; she knew full well the battle that raged between her
husband and me. I said, "I want to come out and visit, this afternoon.
When would be a good time?" She said she'd have to check. "I'll hang
on," I replied. The time was set.
When was the last time your heart felt like it would
pound right out of your chest? My emotions went on overdrive. On the way
to his house, I wanted to turn back. My steps in making the short walk
between the curb and his front door were some of the most difficult I
have ever taken. The whole time, my heart was in my throat. But I
pressed on. I felt that my life hinged on this sincere effort of
forgiveness.
What do you say to someone whom you have previously
considered an enemy? How do you communicate your changed feelings? Are
words ever adequate to make up for the emotional havoc one has caused? I
was greeted and led into the bedroom, where my adversary was propped up
in his bed with pillows. And with my heart pounding, adrenaline
rushing, voice shaking, I barely managed to stutter out a few words to
this effect:
"I have come to say I am sorry." A long pause to
gather some composure. My voice still breaking, I continued: "I deeply
regret the hurt I have caused you." Another pause. I remember my right
hand and arm were shaking, out of my control. I tried to steady them
with my left hand. In a whisper I finished: "I want you to know I wish
you only the best."
Those words were imperfect, to be sure. They were
delivered in a voice that was gripped with fear. But they came from my
heart, sincere in every aspect. They must have been effective. Because
my adversary struggled to sit up, swung his feet over the edge of the
bed, and motioned me to come and sit by his side.
Greg," he said, "I am the one who needs to say I'm
sorry. I'm old enough to be your father. Yet I treated you like the
outcast son. Please forgive me." His wife was crying. She knelt on the
floor and the three of us embraced. We all cried. Finally, it was my
old adversary who found the strength to mutter a prayer: "Dear God,
forgive us all."
We said brief good-byes and I left. As I started the
car back toward home, I took a deep breath and said out loud, "Whew!" A
weight was being lifted. I could feel it, sense it, was part of it: the
clouds that had been tormenting me were beginning to part. The day
seemed brighter. Was it the sun, or was it this catharsis that had just
taken place?
My posture changed. I went from being hunched over to
sitting erect in the seat. I held my head more upright. The tension in
my shoulders lessened dramatically. The wrinkles on my forehead melted
away. I relaxed. The pain was gone. The quivering hand was steady. A
smile came across my face.
I'm frre!" I whispered. "I'm free," I repeated, this
time louder. In a crescendo I exclaimed, "I'm free! I'm free! I'm free!"
I shouted it: "I'm free!" Tears gushed down my cheeks in torrents. My
vision became blurred. I quickly pulled off onto a side street, parked
the car, and wept, out of control, for a long, long time. I remember
the eyes of a lad who came to the window. I wonder how long he had been
watching me. "Hey, mister," he said, "you need help?" No, no. I'm
fine." And I made my way home.
RELEASE. SET FREE. I look back to my week of the
sincere work of forgiveness and realize this was the absolute turning
point in my physical healing. From that point in time, I began to gain
back lost weight, manage pain more readily, and hold more positive
thoughts about my future.
Do I believe there was a link between this deeply
spiritual work and my physical improvement? Absolutely. I believe that
practicing the Law of Forgiveness changes us bio-chemically. And in the
process, the body is released toward its optimum wellness potential. I
know that my doctor and scientist friends get very uncomfortable when I
share these beliefs. But it seems we can all agree on this: life quality
soars when we sincerely practice the Law of Forgiveness. And this just
may be an important determinant in releasing the body's self-healing
potential.
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Life can indeed be lived most abundantly as an adventure in forgiveness. Forgive. Set yourself free."
Reprinted with permission from “The 22
Non-Negotiable Laws of Wellness: Feel, Think, and Live Better Than You
Ever Thought Possible” (HarperCollins/HarperSanFransisco). Copyright ©
1995 by Greg Anderson.
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