Woman Questions a Man About His Beer Drinking habits.

Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about three


Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip


Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose


Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?

Man: Correct


Woman: If in one year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct.


Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?

Man: Do you drink beer?



Woman: No.

Man: Where is your airplane?

5 Rules To Remember In Life (Funny But True)

 

If you're not feeling good, chances are, under your breath, 
you're complaining about something. Gratitude is the cure. 
To get your FREE daily inspirational gratitude messages, click here


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Your Duck is Dead

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I saw this posted up at the Humane Society today and took a picture of it.

Very Funny K-Mart Commercial

.Funny or Gross, you decide.

Love

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Be Mannerly When Breaking Wind.

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Flying too low! You Think!

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I'm at Wal-Mart Buying Dog food for PJ

So I'm at Wal-Mart buying a bag of Purina dog food for my dog. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of every orifice and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. 

The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here, because I have a strong voice, practically everyone in line was now listening to my story.) 


Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask me and be prepared for my answer. I have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. Now that you've read this I have to confess, I copied it. Now share it with someone else.

Old Fred Was Dying (Funny)

Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them.

As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died.

The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he finished the service, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died. 

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He opened the note, and read, "Please step to your left ------ you're standing on my oxygen tube!"
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Dog for Sale (This is truly funny)

Dog For Sale. Free to good home. Excellent guard dog. Owner cannot afford to feed Jethro anymore as there are no more drug pushers, murderers, thieves, or molesters left in the neighbourhood for him to eat. Most of them knew Jethro only by his Chinese street name, Ho Lee Schitt.
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Do you take LIFE too Seriously? Find out, Take the Test

If you smile while watching this video that means you passed 
the test and firmly believe that in the spirit of play, life is EASY.



If you have ever been called different, strange or weird, this 
article is for you: They said I was CRAZY...but I knew who I was...
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A 'To Do' List When BORED.

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Thanks John for sharing this with me

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Share Your Kindness Story with us, Click Here
For Women Only, Understanding Your Man

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Funny Truths. Pass them on....

• Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) 

• I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt 

• Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.. - Mark Twain 

• The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns

•  Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge 

• By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates 

• My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante 

•  I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor 

• My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield 

• Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP - Joe Namath 

 

• And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. 

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A Breath of FRESH AIR - New Thought

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Did you know Larry LaPrise Died?

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With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, Which almost went unnoticed until last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at age 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.


Frederick

A happy thought/attitude is like a fire. If you don't keep
adding fuel to it, it will go out. - Maggie Llewellyn

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Keeping it Light....

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The law of attraction is always about keeping it light and feeling good. The better you feel, the easier it is to attract good things to you. May this video, RAMBO, THE MUSICAL lighten your mind.

A Woman's Thought For The Day

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Women are Angels

And when someone breaks our wings....

We simply continue to fly.........on a broomstick...

We are flexible like that ..



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Thanks MJ for sending this my way.

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Did you know this about leather dresses?

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Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally???

Ever wonder why?

 

It's because she smells like a new Truck.

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Thanks Suze B. for sending this my way.  :)

Checkmate

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When my sister was in high school, she went out with the captain of the chess team. My parents loved him 'cause they figured any guy who took three hours to make a move was safe.

- Comic Brian Kiley

Raspy Voice

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Men are attracted to 
women with a raspy voice. 
We think, Hey, maybe she's 
is all done yelling. 

- Comic Moody McCarthy