To attract the money you want you have to tell 'your truth' about it. Your truth, not someone else's truth. Your personal truth about money will not always be pretty. Sometimes it will be downright ugly but speaking your personal truth about money will set you free from the lack of it.
Your unwillingness to fully express your truth about money keeps you stuck in scarcity of it and I do not feel sorry for you one bit.
You cannot attract money in abundance if you are stuck with the thoughts that keep you attracting the 'lack and scarcity' of money over and over again. And you can't change your thoughts about money that discourage and defeat you until you speak your existing truth about money that keeps you locked into a lack and scarcity state of mind
If you are skeptical about what I just shared with you or simply don't trust people who talk about money that's okay with me. I have no problem if you live the rest of your life with a lack of money when you could just as easily be attracting all the money you want with effortless ease.
Here are two, very low risk, options for you that will give you the tools you need to free yourself up mentally and emotionally so that the lack and scarcity of money is no longer an issue for you. The first option is my Kindle book titled: A Tough Love Book About Money ($2.99). The second option is my Money Program ($5.55).