They can't bully me any more...

I was a chubby little kid by the time I entered high school, I only stood 4' 11" and weighed 180 lbs.   As a freshman in high school I was intimidated by the taller kids, in my class, already growing beards and mustaches..  I was a late bloomer and I still very much had a baby face.  When I went to school, back when, they didn't call it bullying, they called it teasing but it hurt just as much.  I was handling the teasing of being fat and having a baby face okay until I went to my first Phys-Ed  class.

For the class, we all got dressed up in gray sweats and climbed into a boxing ring.  The teacher had us line up along the edge of the ring and made us introduce ourselves. When the teacher got to me, he stared at me with hatred and contempt for reasons I cannot explain.  Finally he asked me my name. I announced my name was Frederick Zappone. After pausing and looking me up and down with a very critical eye,  he finally spoke.

'Zappone you look more like a Bubble so from now on I am going to call you Bubbles Zappone.' 

In an instant my classmates burst into laughter and starting calling me bubbles while pointing accusing fingers at me.  My face turned crimson red. I was not only embarrassed I felt rage in every cell of my body...  As blood rushed to my face, I felt a very real and very strong urge to kill, an urge I never felt before.  I wanted to kill the teacher for humiliating and shaming me in front of my classmates and at the same time I want to run as far and as fast as I could from that class and never return but I couldn't.

I never before felt such violent feelings inside me. Those violent feelings scared me half to death. I felt like an evil, worthless child. I was confused, scared, frightened and worst of all.....all alone.

I didn't know what to do, mostly I wanted to get away from the feelings of violence and hatred inside of me. Those feelings left me standing there, in front of my classmates, trembling uncontrollably like a leaf in the wind with tears streaming down my cheeks, making me feel even more shame than I felt before.

I sucked it up and endured the teasing and taunting and tried to laugh my way through it but the damage inside had been done.  No one could see me bleeding on the inside, no one could feel how small I felt, no one could feel how evil I felt. And no one could be more frightened and scared as I was on that day, feeling the rage and the very real desire to murder my teacher in cold blood.

The longest school day of my life finally ended and I headed home. When I got home I was so ashamed and embarrassed by what happened I couldn't bring myself to tell my parents about it.  And besides I was afraid if I did tell my parents they would go to the school and talk to the Principal and embarrass me even more so I quietly cried myself to sleep that night and many more nights after that.  

As it turned out, that humiliating experience in Phys. Ed. class  would become my greatest strength.  It put me on the path to exploring and understanding my feelings so no one,  under any circumstances, could ever hurt me as badly as I had been hurt that day.

Over time, I became a self made expert on feelings and emotions. As a result of the knowledge I acquired over the years,  my Feeling Good, No Matter What, Newsletter was born.  My newsletter isn't for everyone.  It is for highly sensitive people who get hurt easier than they would like to admit. It is for depressed people who no longer wish to be depressed.  It is for people who wish to eliminate fear and doubt from their lives. It is for people who want to cure the hurt, humiliation and shame they endured as a child.

My newsletter is for parents who want to make sure their children grow up to be emotionally healthy and emotionally strong.  My newsletter is for people who are tired of being hurt, abused, used and misunderstood by other people.  

My newsletter is for people who want to strengthen their emotional system so no one outside themselves has the power to hurt them again and yet at the same time be able to keep their heart's open to receiving all the love from others they can handle...

The moment a person can make you react emotionally, in an negative way, is the moment, they have power over you.  My newsletter shows people how to take back any power they have inadvertently given away to others down through the years.

Replaying in your mind, over and over again, the hurtful things a bully said or did to you, allows the bully to hurt you over and over again. Don't go there.

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Subscribe now to my Feeling Good Newsletter. A subscription to my newsletter normally runs $50.00 a year but as a reader of my Inspired Living blog, for a limited period of time, you can subscribe to my newsletter for $15.00.   -- Frederick Zappone 

 

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