Woman Questions a Man About His Beer Drinking habits.

Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about three


Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip


Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose


Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?

Man: Correct


Woman: If in one year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct.


Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane?

Man: Do you drink beer?



Woman: No.

Man: Where is your airplane?

5 Rules To Remember In Life (Funny But True)

 

If you're not feeling good, chances are, under your breath, 
you're complaining about something. Gratitude is the cure. 
To get your FREE daily inspirational gratitude messages, click here


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Your Duck is Dead

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I saw this posted up at the Humane Society today and took a picture of it.

Very Funny K-Mart Commercial

.Funny or Gross, you decide.

Love

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Be Mannerly When Breaking Wind.

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Flying too low! You Think!

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PUN-OGRAPHY - For People who love PUNS...

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When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

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Read or not Read: What your 'Emotional Reactions' Are Telling You.

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Old Fred Was Dying (Funny)

Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them.

As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died.

The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he finished the service, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died. 

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all." He opened the note, and read, "Please step to your left ------ you're standing on my oxygen tube!"
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Dog for Sale (This is truly funny)

Dog For Sale. Free to good home. Excellent guard dog. Owner cannot afford to feed Jethro anymore as there are no more drug pushers, murderers, thieves, or molesters left in the neighbourhood for him to eat. Most of them knew Jethro only by his Chinese street name, Ho Lee Schitt.
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Do you take LIFE too Seriously? Find out, Take the Test

If you smile while watching this video that means you passed 
the test and firmly believe that in the spirit of play, life is EASY.



If you have ever been called different, strange or weird, this 
article is for you: They said I was CRAZY...but I knew who I was...
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A 'To Do' List When BORED.

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Thanks John for sharing this with me

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Share Your Kindness Story with us, Click Here
For Women Only, Understanding Your Man

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How you eat 'Oreo Cookies' Tells Me About Your Personality

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Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreos:

1. The whole thing all at once.

2. One bite at a time

3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.

4. In little feverous nibbles.

5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).

6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.

10.I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.



Your Personality:

1. The whole thing:

This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with his or her children.

2. One bite at a time:

You are lucky to be one of the 5.4 billion other people who eat their Oreos this very same way. Just like them, you lack imagination, but that's okay, not to worry, you're normal.

3. Slow and Methodical:

You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with every thing you do to the point of being anal retentive and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit.

4. Feverous Nibbles:

Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental breakdowns and suicides run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good.

5. Dunked:

Every one likes you because you are always up beat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction.

6. Twisted apart, the inside, and then the cookie:

You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior.

7. Twisted apart, the inside, and then toss the cookie:

You are good at business and take risk that pay off. You take what you want and throw the rest away. You are greedy, selfish, mean, and lack feelings for others. You should be ashamed of yourself. But that's ok, you don't care, you got yours.

8. Just the cookie, not the inside:

You enjoy pain.

9. I just like to lick them, not eat them:

Stay away from small furry animals and seek professional medical help - immediately.

10. I don't have a favorite way, I don't like Oreos:

You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to upscale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prissy.
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Told you NOT to !! (Funny Video)

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Don't come crying to me, remember, I'm the one 

who told you not to use the treadmill.....

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I am a head plumber. I fix the plumbing in your head so you can think
straight when all those around you are lost in thought with no hope of
seeing the light of day again.. To connect with the Head Plumber, Click Here
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Funny Truths. Pass them on....

• Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin..' - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) 

• I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.' - Eleanor Roosevelt 

• Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.. - Mark Twain 

• The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns

•  Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge 

• By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates 

• My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante 

•  I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor 

• My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield 

• Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP - Joe Namath 

 

• And the cardiologist's diet: - If it tastes good, spit it out. 

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A Breath of FRESH AIR - New Thought

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Humor Inspires

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In my own words, on this blog, I post wisdom I've learned that has inspired me that I know will inspire other people too. I also post up on this blog videos I find that inspire me for a variety of reasons.  This one uses humor to inspire  - Frederick Zappone


The video of Sandra Bullock that follows inspired me because it showed me, once again, that humor can take a painful situation in our lives and cut it down to size so it becomes no more painful to us than swatting a fly away from the nose on our face.  After watching this video and seeing how classy Sandra Bullock is looking these days, Jesse James has got to wonder how he allowed his subconscious mind to kill off the magnificent relationship he had with Sandra... And now on to the video..


SPIKE TV TROOPS CHOICE - ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR AWARD

Mental Health Note: Suicide Rate Drops Dramatically

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Since blogging, facebook and twittering came into vogue the suicide rate
has dropped dramatically. Apparently people are having a lot more
fun amusing other people to death instead.
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Checkmate

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When my sister was in high school, she went out with the captain of the chess team. My parents loved him 'cause they figured any guy who took three hours to make a move was safe.

- Comic Brian Kiley

Raspy Voice

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Men are attracted to 
women with a raspy voice. 
We think, Hey, maybe she's 
is all done yelling. 

- Comic Moody McCarthy