Sunday

My Best is NEVER Good Enough. I'm okay with that.

I never fight with negative thoughts that judge me to be deficient in some way.  Why? Because fighting with negative thoughts only makes me feel lower than a snake's belly and since I don't like feel badly about myself I don't fight with negative thoughts at all. 

I've learned to accept negative thoughts as part of my life and move on.  As an example, all my life I have been told my best wasn't good enough. I was told that my best was not good enough so often that I came to believe it. I not only believed it but I collected years of proof, especially in my chosen field of writing, that my best is not good enough.

I love writing but few people buy my books, I've published six so far. I love posting messages to my blog but people rarely comment. All of this is proof to me that my best isn't good enough. I have no idea why people don't comment on my blog posts or buy my books. Maybe my writings aren't appealing enough, maybe they don't stir people's emotions enough. Maybe I am too arrogant or come across as a know it all or a holier than thou person. I have no idea how I come across to people.

I have tried to change so other people would approve of my writings but the more I changed to please others, the less I was pleased with myself... The worst part of being told that your best is not good enough is using that criticism as an excuse to beat yourself up or criticize yourself for not living up to the standards other people have set for you.

I don't beat myself up any more for my best not being good enough.  Learning to love and accept myself exactly as I am has allowed me to accept that my best isn't good enough. Here is the important thing, my best may not be good enough in the eyes of others but I made up my mind that my best is always good enough in my own eyes. 

As long as I am worried about other people accepting my best as good enough, I am doomed to a lifetime of hurt and disappointment. However once I accepted my best was good enough for me, I have been able to write and enjoy the process of writing regards of whether people leave comments about my writings or buy my books. In the final analysis, experience has taught me that my best for today is always good enough because my best of today will always be better tomorrow.

In other words, practice makes perfect and eventually my writings will become so good that people will buy my books in the millions, that is if I live long enough.  I will admit, if people buy millions of my books after I die, I am going to be royally pissed off on the other side. 😊




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